As a first-generation Latina, I was the first in my family to graduate high school and go to college. At times, I found it quite intimidating to go down new paths nobody in my family had gone down before. I found it easiest to blend into the background and observe, not really participate. I was too afraid to speak up, afraid of making a fool of myself in a room full of intellectuals. Growing up, I would often hear my mother say, “me siento como una cucaracha en un baile de gallina.” That is pretty much how I felt a lot of the time, like I had pulled off the ultimate scheme and somehow tricked everyone into letting me into this elite world, wondering when the ruse would be up, and they would all realize their mistake. My fellowship with Future Leaders in Action (FLIA) helped me overcome my imposter syndrome and realize that I deserve to take up space and I am worthy of these opportunities.
Original art by the author.
Women, particularly women of color, are more likely to struggle with imposter syndrome, especially when entering spaces with very few women and minorities.
Imposter syndrome causes one to feel like they are undeserving of their achievements and less capable and less intelligent than people perceive them. Women, particularly women of color, are more likely to struggle with imposter syndrome, especially when entering spaces with very few women and minorities. The majority of corporate America and even the government are made up of predominantly white males. How can one feel like they belong in a space with so little diversity? During my FLIA fellowship, I was fortunate to be surrounded by a diverse group in which I saw people like myself represented. That was the first step.
FLIA played a significant role in overcoming my imposter syndrome. As I reflect on the past weeks of this fellowship, I can see how much I have grown in such a short period of time. I always felt supported and empowered by Executive Director Milly Seraus-Roache, my cohort, and my partner agency. I was placed in leadership positions and partook in personal and professional development workshops in which many times I had to come face to face with feelings of doubt and unworthiness, and each time these feelings were proven to be wrong. During one of these workshops, I recall Milly telling me “stop trying to shrink yourself, don't be afraid to take up space.” That really stuck with me. I asked myself why was I afraid to take up space? Why did I feel unworthy? Having that support and being held accountable in those moments of doubt really put things into perspective. I realized it was time for a change, and I was no longer going to let the feelings of doubt and unworthiness rule over my life. It was time to enter my main character era, recognize my worth, and take up space.
I realized it was time for a change and I was no longer going to let my imposter syndrome rule over my life.
Original art by the author.
My partner agency also played a role in my growth. Start Lighthouse is a non-profit organization that is working towards bridging the literacy gap in public schools and bringing access to books to underserved communities in the Bronx, empowering youths through literacy. It was a dream partnership. The child bookworm in me was overjoyed. I joined the program a week after the opening of the first Literacy Hub. What was once an abandoned library in a public school in the Bronx was transformed and filled with hundreds of multicultural books in which students could see themselves. They would be able to take home these books and kickstart their own at-home libraries. I worked closely with co-founders Rina Madhani and Concetta Gleason. We quickly became a small but mighty team. They created a wonderful work environment in which I was able to grow and learn so much, not only about what it takes to run a non-profit but also about my abilities as a professional. I could wear many hats and bring many skills to the table. From my graphic design skills in creating materials for the program’s social media to my art and language skills to my program development skills while creating the curriculum for the literary workshops, I was put in many leadership positions in which I was supported and empowered to succeed. With each accomplishment, I felt more confident and motivated to continue.
There are many factors that contributed to my imposter syndrome but with the help of Milly, my amazing and inspiring cohort, Start Lighthouse, my friends, family, and Future Leaders in Action, I was able to grow so much both personally and professionally. I saw how important it was for the students to see themselves in the books they were reading, and it was a direct correlation with the importance of seeing others like myself in the workplace. Imposter syndrome is not something that goes away overnight, but I am now able to recognize those feelings and work through them. I know I am worthy and deserving of my accomplishments and the place that I am in now. I am hopeful and excited to see what’s next, and I wouldn't be where I am today had I not had this opportunity. I plan to pay it forward and help others recognize their potential and achieve great things.